Predictably Unpredictable Predicaments

Aug 23
Jul 25

20 Reason Why Chocolate Is Better Than S3X

Jul 24
Jul 09

OkCupid: A Story For Children.

So I read a great facebook update referencing this dating/hookup site I once used back in the day, So here’s a few things you can encounter with the dating site that is OkCupid.  

When I lived with my 2nd roommate (the one with all that ecstasy) he was around to witness me going through the most ridiculous breakup of my life, which, several weeks later, led me to my first OkCupid account. But first, let’s talk about how he used the site during the entire time that I knew him.  You know that thing some people do, where they meet people for one night and do it all naked and stuff and never see each other again?  To my freshmen surprise, a ton of people use that feature.  Like, so many.  He was one of those people. And this is what I learned from him:

Roommate’s motif was to find the woman of his dreams while wading neck deep through tons of sex with people, some of which, he knew he had literally nothing in common with, and even sometimes absolutely no sexual interest with but he always joked “That’s what light switches and alcohol are for!” and chuckled his heart sizes away.  He also suggested that it’s a great way to find people who share the same fetishes.  Great guy, that roommate.   Flawless plan indeed, eh?  CORRECT!  Throughout his umm, career, he brought home a new date once every 2 or 3 days, and always it would go one of two ways.  Way #1 was that he had no interest in her, and she would call or text, wanting to try that whole relationship thing out.  Way #2 was the same thing, but reversed.  She would have no interest in him, and he spends 1 or 2 days trying to text her to continue things.  Did he get burned by the end of it all?  Of course not.  Through OkCupid, he found the girl of his dreams and lives happily ever after in Portland, Oregon.  STD free, somehow (I’m still confused about that.)  and livin’ it up.  

Before he found that dream girl of his though, I was in my 4th week of breakup depression, and he convinced me to get an account to make me feel better.  Great idea, huh?  TOTALLY.  TOTALLY FUCKING GREAT IDEA INDEED.   James was just great like that.  Full of wisdom and such.  So I made an account, not to meet people.  Just to boost my self esteem by seeing who all was interested in me or thought I was good looking and stuff like that.  So that part was great, fun, and pulled me straight outta depression…  Until, you know, I got matched up with my ex being in one of the top people who I had similar interests with. Being the sensible adult who was online the SECOND it popped up, I got rid of my account immediately and continued breakup purgatory.  

I was doing better, and that’s when my roomy met a girl who, as it turned out, was an UNDERCOVER CHRISTIAN trying to turn people’s lives around online!  I’m sure that with the ocean full of people wanting to hook up 24/7, most guys probably just blew her inbox messages off, but James was a different duck.  He’s really good at arguing his point.  Good enough that he invited her to Krispy Kreme to have a debate and had I not kicked him out of my place that day from rent frustration, I would have loved to hear what had happened then. I’m going to go ahead and assumed that he used only donut analogies to get his point across.  

So, with OkCupid, you can get laid, find out that the internet believes you and your Decepticon/Goa’uld/WhoreBitch ex-girlfriend and you are a great match, develop STD’s, narrowly dodge STD’s, find people with similar fetishes, break hearts, take compliments, have great debates with conflicting opinions, and most importantly, fall in love with your dream person.  All in the same summer. You’ve been warned, people.  

May 30

To my old roommates

Brian and Matt, I really honestly wanted to talk to you both in person about all this, but I’ve no other alternative except to facebook message it.  I still think this would have all been handled better in person, because now I feel as if neither of you want to give me the time of day.  

First off, I’d like to say I intended to stay there for as little time as possible.  Enough time to make money and get my own place.  I paid 400 for the entire month of May and only stayed there for 8 days.  8 days.  But I paid for a full month’s rent.  To be honest, when I offered the deal to leave, I still intended to stay for the month of May.  But I didn’t stay for May. I left before May even ended.  I’d say 400 for 8 days is a great rent deal. If you’re mad about that, well I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to deal with it.  From a business standpoint, it’s not a bad deal at all on your end.  Income for that month is better than no income at all, so I don’t understand that I put you two in a “bind” as Brian put it. Especially since you already have a roommate for next month (thanks for leaving that little detail out.  Next time, leave my stuff on the kitchen table and I probably won’t find that out.) From a personal friend standpoint, if this is going to ruin our friendship, then we must have never been friends to begin with, or I wasn’t viewed in your eyes on an equal level. And you know, considering that Josh doesn’t pay 500/month and he’s on a “pay what you can and then only pay 1/3 because you’re an equal in this house who should pay an equal amount of money” kind of plan. “Fucking you over” yeah great words, if you want June’s rent, ask Joshua for it, because sure as hell I’m not the one fucking you over.

I tried to leave on a good note without looking like the bad guy in your eyes, I really did.  But I don’t think that’s possible at this point without telling you both the real reason I busted my ass so hard to leave as early as physically possible.  And maybe after you guys read this, you’ll both understand why I feel so justified in leaving early. 

In advance, I do apologize to you, Matt.  What I’m about to tell you is going to probably piss you off and upset you, and the part that sucks is none of why I left is your fault. You were a cool 8 day roommate.  Honestly. I hope that after all of this, we can maintain a friendship, because to this day, meeting you and Matt Collier was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done and I’ve had some really fun times.  

Brian, I’m about to breech your trust, and I apologize for that, but this was made both mine, yours, and Matt’s business the moment I lived there, tried to move out, and you won’t let go of this disagreement.  I’m telling you both why I’m leaving because you condescended to me over the phone, you were very elicit about not giving me the time of day when all I wanted to do was simply go up to see you both in person and talk this out with you two AS NOT TO RUIN MY FRIENDSHIPS WITH EITHER OF YOU.  I’ve never viewed a disagreement over business or politics or just general disagreements as a reason to steer away from a friend. You condescended to me over text and you weren’t willing to hear me out.  Texting is truly the coward’s way of arguing, Brian.  This all would have gone a lot better in person.  You probably won’t want to be friends with me after this and I accept that. I hope you didn’t miss your cover girl makeup too much. 

Onto why I left early.  When you two first moved into your apartment, you had a moving-in party. I showed up with Dave and had, for the most part, a pretty fun time.  During that party though, Brian wanted to go upstairs and smoke weed with me, and so we did, by ourselves, and during that time, Brian had a heart-to-heart conversation with me and tells me that he’s fallen out of love with Matt, wants to date and have sex with other people, and doesn’t know what to do because he and Matt JUST moved in together, so he can’t just break up with him.  A few minutes into the convo, Matt, you came up and asked why we weren’t downstairs with the rest of the party and it was a perfect time for me to bee-line outta the room and downstairs back to the party.  I told Dave what I was just told and he told me not to breath a word of it at all because that’s the kinda subject that ruins move-in parties. I did my best to forget about it, and eventually did forget about it. Like, completely. Unfortunately, I remembered that conversation AFTER having moved in, and I royally freaked out.  You two were wondering why I was acting strange, well maybe that sheds some light. If you two were planning on renewing your lease, (something you both mentioned to me), I didn’t want to be there for that just in case that iceberg ever happened to hit the roommate ship.  I didn’t want to be locked down as the 3rd roommate with a couple that may potentially break up during the lease. I’ve already experienced that before.  If you two were scheduled (naturally) to break up, I didn’t want to kinda give you two another reason to have to live together longer by adding to the lease.

I’m telling you both this because you both should understand why I was uncomfortable living there. 

Once again, Matt, I still would like to maintain our friendship.  I wish you the best in your current living situation and I’m sorry that I left early.  Also, I’m sorry to even tell you all of this, because honestly I intended to just talk business and persuade you both otherwise.  I never said I wouldn’t have paid an extra 200 if you were seriously fucked over by me leaving early, I just said I don’t believe I should, considering how ridiculously little time I spent there.  Once again, this could have all been cleared up in person, I would have maintained both your friendships, and I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to tell you both why I left.  I would have rather let that naturally work itself out. I hope you and Brian at least now have a better understanding of why I left.  I was pretty uncomfortable. 

And Brian, I think all of what I have to say to you is next time you have a dispute with someone, especially a friend, you should speak to them in person about it, especially if they want to speak in person about it. I know you said you don’t see anything positive coming out of talking in person, but obviously a lot could have been avoided.  

I’m leaving this message without any real regrets and I’m going to sleep pretty soundly tonight.  I mean, you both told me you were my friends, you felt fucked over because I basically wouldn’t be giving you rent for June, but you already have someone that’s paying you rent for June.  You guys are set.  You gave him a better rent deal than me, but you’re basically set.  Matt’s mom and dad pay for his half of rent, I’m sure they don’t know about Josh, so if I’m doing the math correctly, you only have to pay what, 1/6 of the rent?  Assuming Josh is paying 1/3.  Yeah, I’m sure I must have been the one fucking you over. I’m not holding information about the fact that there was a replacement roommate already there. 

 

May 10

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Jan 21

Fragment (consider revising): Monogamy doesn't do what you think it does →

consider-revising:

Someone once told me that because true love goes two ways and can only be given freely, free will is necessary in order to love God. That God made humans with free will so that he could experience true reciprocal love. That the purpose of humanity is to freely love and be loved.

This idea is so…

Jan 10
Jan 10
Nov 19
Nov 16
the-absolute-funniest-posts:

Follow this blog, you’ll love it on your dashboard!
Oct 31

tunacaptor:

Wtf, Jesus?

Apr 13

lillipoop:

First, go grab some headphones. The best ones you’ve got. If the best ones you’ve got are these suckers (or something similar), you should really go buy new ones, but use the best you’ve got for right now.

Take a break from whatever you’re doing for 2 minutes and listen, but just listen to the whole thing, even if you have to multi-task.

Headphones on? Ok. Good.

Now, press play.


“Upular (3D Audio Version)” - Pogo

woah

Mar 28
Mar 28

technogecho:

lilywinterwood:

esmethenotsogreat:

tattooeddicks:

ladamania:

this should constantly be on my dash just every few days

“Wait I just…I can’t…fuck”…. I died.

Spiderman where u at

no u gaiz you need a boobsqueeze

OMG gaiz OMG